Tuesday, July 15, 2008

This week: In Diana's Head

This week, I feel as though I have failed. The situation doesn't really matter. It's just the knowledge that somewhere along the line, I fell. I didn't get the answer right. I missed the bus. I failed.I know it's all in my head, thus the title. How often do we try, work, sweat, cry and still not reach the finish line? Still not get that raise? Still get the answer wrong no matter how many times we study?

That has been my week.

I'm trying to get above it. Trying to see that my choices were not wrong. They affect no one else (in this case, at least, Thank goodness!). I've admitted my mistakes, admitted to a lot of things, but I'm still wrong. Just how does that work? When does the failure go away? Does it ever?

I hope it does. I doubt I'll be lucky to be out from under the weight of it soon, like today. Oh, it's not an earth shattering failure. No one died. I think time is equal to the amount of blame we put on ourselves. In this situation, I'm totally to blame. I failed and it's my fault. I get that. So I'm just going to be morose for a day or so. I can work through the blame. I can work through the anger of failing. Hopefully, I'll be a happier person in a few days, because I hate feeling like a failure.

1 comment:

Adelle said...

We are only failures if we learn nothing from our mistakes. Don't be so hard on yourself. (((I Luv Ya))))